Today

One year ago.

One year ago I woke up on a couch in our hotel lobby.  I didn't get much sleep the night before (surprise surprise), and shared the room (and bed) with two delightful amazing friends.  So, I went to the lobby to just get a change of scenery.  It was suppose to be the most important day of my life.

When I noticed it was a decent hour, you know, after a hotel person made sure that I wasn't a drunk homeless girl, I texted my soon-to-be-husband. I then snuck in his room for a quick hug and kiss before I went to get ready for the day.

What do I remember most about that day?  So much!  I hope that in eighty years I can still remember Ali and Sharelle getting ready with me at the hair salon. Ali running to get me a cappuccino and Sharelle painting my toe nails.  My mom's ear-to-ear smile, while my dad got choked up.

I remember my dad coming to tell me how nervous my fiance was... with a smile on his face.  He kept peeking through a crack in a slightly open door to check out the processional before the ceremony.  I remember a college friend leading my bridal party in prayer.

I remember arriving to the entrance of the chapel in the Church where we would marry.  My husband was turned around, reminded me of what Prince William did when he got married to Kate Middleton.  Then, the Bridal March (or whatever I chose), began on the organ.  He turned around.  I  cherish the pictures our photographer got of his cheese of a smile as he watched me walk down the aisle.  I did the whole blusher veil thing, so I was looking at him with some fancy tulle in front of my face.

My dad gave me away and our Matrimonial Mass began.

I remember our first prayer as husband in wife.  It was right after we received Holy Communion.  We held hands and we prayed.

I remember our embarrassing first kiss and so incredibly grateful our photographer capturer our kiss!  It was so quick because I was so petrified to kiss him in front of everyone.  I hate PDA!  But, there is a set of five or so images that capture this embarrassing moment.... And then that one perfect photo of us kissing and my maid of honor, Sharelle, smiling from ear-to-ear as she watched on.

The pictures afterward?  Embarrassing and time went to quickly.  I hate that we didn't get some amazing formal shots of us together.  But, we went to the reception.  And we had fun.

We left the reception feeling so incredibly blessed by the amount of love and support surrounding us on our "big" day.  We were pretty over the moon, you know? Back at the hotel, family and friends joined us for an after party.  Some amazing memories with great people.  We drank, laughed, ordered pizza, and smoked cigars. 

Whenever I drive past that hotel, I feel happy.  For that hotel hosted us the weekend we became man and wife.

Today.

My heart is filled with my love for you.

My best friend, my biggest supporter.

The smartest and most generous man that I know.

You lead our family so well and

I am forever blessed to have you in my life.

Thank you for all that you do for us.

Happy anniversary!

Cheers to another eighty plus.

Wedding recaps:

A Glimpse // The Ceremony // Formals

Details // The Reception // The Dress

For wedding planning tips and ideas

read the following labels: 

Our Wedding // Wedding Planning //Wedding Wednesday

Marriage... so far.

I love my marriage and I love my husband.  But sometimes it takes real work to like him.

We're both Catholic, right?  But hey, that doesn't mean the "D" word hasn't unfortunately come up in a select few incredibly heated arguments.

I am not here to give advice, because hey, I've only been married just shy of a year.  I have been with my husband for 4.5 years... but that still doesn't really give me the position to solicit advice.

If you want some, I can give you the best advice I've ever received:

Love is a choice,

not a feeling.

You see, my husband and I both have personalities that clash: we're both stubborn and we're both leaders.  So, we often have a power struggle.  As the woman, I know I need to let him be the man, but I've been so great at being independent, it's definitely hard "giving" that up.  But the funny thing is, we can talk about grown up adult issues without any problems, like we are a team.  I guess it's just an adjustment.  And you know what?  We're learning.  Things aren't perfect, but at the end of the day he is my very best friend.  He is a major support system beyond what I ever could have imagined.  Things are getting better with us as we're learning the ebbs and flows of just living with another human being.  Will we not fight?  No.  We are in the baby stages of our marriage and we have a lot of good and bad ahead of us.  Will we stand the test of time?  Only God knows.  But it's not over until the fat lady sings.

Why am I airing a little dirty laundry?  Because a blogger friend of mine is going through a divorce and she inspired me to share the real truth about marriage.  She's in the process of starting a new blog and starting over.  If you'd love to help out by donating some ad space, I'd love to surprise her with a little welcome back to the blog world package!  Email me at amy@thecharmingblog.com !

Marriage... so far.

I love my marriage and I love my husband.  But sometimes it takes real work to like him.

We're both Catholic, right?  But hey, that doesn't mean the "D" word hasn't unfortunately come up in a select few incredibly heated arguments.

I am not here to give advice, because hey, I've only been married just shy of a year.  I have been with my husband for 4.5 years... but that still doesn't really give me the position to solicit advice.

If you want some, I can give you the best advice I've ever received:

Love is a choice,

not a feeling.

You see, my husband and I both have personalities that clash: we're both stubborn and we're both leaders.  So, we often have a power struggle.  As the woman, I know I need to let him be the man, but I've been so great at being independent, it's definitely hard "giving" that up.  But the funny thing is, we can talk about grown up adult issues without any problems, like we are a team.  I guess it's just an adjustment.  And you know what?  We're learning.  Things aren't perfect, but at the end of the day he is my very best friend.  He is a major support system beyond what I ever could have imagined.  Things are getting better with us as we're learning the ebbs and flows of just living with another human being.  Will we not fight?  No.  We are in the baby stages of our marriage and we have a lot of good and bad ahead of us.  Will we stand the test of time?  Only God knows.  But it's not over until the fat lady sings.

Why am I airing a little dirty laundry?  Because a blogger friend of mine is going through a divorce and she inspired me to share the real truth about marriage.  She's in the process of starting a new blog and starting over.  If you'd love to help out by donating some ad space, I'd love to surprise her with a little welcome back to the blog world package!  Email me at amy@thecharmingblog.com !

Happy Valentine's Day!

Melissa from TLNSOW came up with questions for husbands to answer.  We were supposed to answer as well to see how many the husbands got right.  I thought this would be fun because my husband has never been on this blog before!  Plus, we don't celebrate Valentine's in real life, so I thought this might be a way to celebrate with the blogging community.

P.S. for those of you who aren't married or with someone, my favorite Valentine's ever was with a few friends in high school.  We stayed up all night watching movies and even made a 5am run to Kroger (to get food or something? I don't remember).  It was awesome.  Why don't I celebrate with husband?  Eh, I don't do the mushy gushy, I'm on a diet, and I tend to kill flowers within days.  

Shall we proceed to the Q&A?  If there are any other questions you want to ask husband about him, me, etc, feel free to let me know in the comments!

Format = 

Question? "Husband's answer."  

My commentary/what I wrote down if we answered the questions differently.

November 2011

1. How long have you been married? "8 months."  

Attaboy.

2. Where was your first date? "Twilight/Arby's" 

Then we did the cool kids thing and stayed up all night with a few other friends talking and watching movies (literally, my girlfriend and I went to our dorms at 5am that morning... then continued to chat).  I think that was literally the last night I stayed up all night.  I'm such an old lady, now.  I believe that was the night of her first kiss with her now husband.... me and my husband had our first kiss like a few weeks after that night.  (Proof that boys and girls can be together overnight and keep it G-rated.)

3. Who first said, "I love you"? "Amy"  

I had already had two serious relationships before him, so I kind of already knew that he was different/special.  He, on the other hand, had never had a serious relationship so he wasn't so sure until maybe a few months later.  No worries, I was a good sport. ;)

4. What were your wedding colors? "Yellow, green, etc."  

Ivory, pale pink, buttercream yellow, green.  Close enough, right girls?  He's a guy and he just knew we had a garden themed wedding.  Though the bridesmaid dresses were pink...... so shouldn't that been part of the answer?  

5. What is her most commonly used phrase?  "'I can't find my phone!'" 

Yep, that's right.  I don't have a special location for it in my purse.  I tend to leave it in various places. And because of school/work/the hospital, it's almost always on silent (yep, not even necessarily on vibrate).  Twice in the course of our relationship have I actually left it at an eatery and had to turn around and go back hoping that someone didn't take it.  The last time was February 8, 2013.  

6. Who is her celebrity crush? "Liam Neeson."  

Yes, I put that, too.  I love me some Liam Neeson.

7. If she was ordering drinks for both of you, what would you get? "A - mudslide, me - Stella."  

My response: "me: sweet tea or water, him: sweet tea or coke."  We misinterpreted the question, obviously.  But, for the record, I haven't ordered a mudslide since 2009 (that's right, I know the year because it was a friend's 21st birthday dinner).  If it's drinks it would be: a Moscato for myself and a beer selection for him (Stella, probably, but that's not often an option).

8. What is the best meal she has ever cooked you?  "Lasagna."

9. What is the worst meal she has ever cooked you? "Some vegan dish... tofu or something."  

It was a ratatouille recipe gone wrong.  It either was too salty or too vinegary....  I couldn't even eat it and I'm all about 100% vegetarian/vegan.  There was no tofu, for the record.

10. What would she say is your most annoying habit? "Swearing."  

Why, yes.  I used to never curse.  Then I got in to nursing school.  Now, it's a habit we both must break, especially for when there are kiddos in the picture.

11. What is the last thing she does before she goes to bed? "Watches TV and reads blogs."  

Well, I don't necessarily read blogs, I just check my phone.  I do, however, fall asleep to the TV 95% of the time -- it's the only way I can fall asleep most nights.  I am rarely too exhausted to fall asleep without it.

12. If you could throw out one item of her clothing what would it be? "Boots - all of them."  

Yep, I knew he was going to say that.  He apparently isn't a big boot fan.  I don't care and collect them anyways. :)

13. What would you say is your favorite thing about her? "Infinite passion without bounds."  

Awh, now isn't that sweet..... I thought he would say it's that I run errands and cook..... oops.  -1 point for Amy.

14. What's her go-to drink at Starbucks? "Chai tea soy latte."  

And he likes it, too. ;)

15. What's her blog's name?  "The Charming Blog" 

The man is my biggest supporter, he probably knows more about my blog than I do... okay, not really.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Melissa from TLNSOW came up with questions for husbands to answer.  We were supposed to answer as well to see how many the husbands got right.  I thought this would be fun because my husband has never been on this blog before!  Plus, we don't celebrate Valentine's in real life, so I thought this might be a way to celebrate with the blogging community.

P.S. for those of you who aren't married or with someone, my favorite Valentine's ever was with a few friends in high school.  We stayed up all night watching movies and even made a 5am run to Kroger (to get food or something? I don't remember).  It was awesome.  Why don't I celebrate with husband?  Eh, I don't do the mushy gushy, I'm on a diet, and I tend to kill flowers within days.  

Shall we proceed to the Q&A?  If there are any other questions you want to ask husband about him, me, etc, feel free to let me know in the comments!

Format = 

Question? "Husband's answer."  

My commentary/what I wrote down if we answered the questions differently.

November 2011

1. How long have you been married? "8 months."  

Attaboy.

2. Where was your first date? "Twilight/Arby's" 

Then we did the cool kids thing and stayed up all night with a few other friends talking and watching movies (literally, my girlfriend and I went to our dorms at 5am that morning... then continued to chat).  I think that was literally the last night I stayed up all night.  I'm such an old lady, now.  I believe that was the night of her first kiss with her now husband.... me and my husband had our first kiss like a few weeks after that night.  (Proof that boys and girls can be together overnight and keep it G-rated.)

3. Who first said, "I love you"? "Amy"  

I had already had two serious relationships before him, so I kind of already knew that he was different/special.  He, on the other hand, had never had a serious relationship so he wasn't so sure until maybe a few months later.  No worries, I was a good sport. ;)

4. What were your wedding colors? "Yellow, green, etc."  

Ivory, pale pink, buttercream yellow, green.  Close enough, right girls?  He's a guy and he just knew we had a garden themed wedding.  Though the bridesmaid dresses were pink...... so shouldn't that been part of the answer?  

5. What is her most commonly used phrase?  "'I can't find my phone!'" 

Yep, that's right.  I don't have a special location for it in my purse.  I tend to leave it in various places. And because of school/work/the hospital, it's almost always on silent (yep, not even necessarily on vibrate).  Twice in the course of our relationship have I actually left it at an eatery and had to turn around and go back hoping that someone didn't take it.  The last time was February 8, 2013.  

6. Who is her celebrity crush? "Liam Neeson."  

Yes, I put that, too.  I love me some Liam Neeson.

7. If she was ordering drinks for both of you, what would you get? "A - mudslide, me - Stella."  

My response: "me: sweet tea or water, him: sweet tea or coke."  We misinterpreted the question, obviously.  But, for the record, I haven't ordered a mudslide since 2009 (that's right, I know the year because it was a friend's 21st birthday dinner).  If it's drinks it would be: a Moscato for myself and a beer selection for him (Stella, probably, but that's not often an option).

8. What is the best meal she has ever cooked you?  "Lasagna."

9. What is the worst meal she has ever cooked you? "Some vegan dish... tofu or something."  

It was a ratatouille recipe gone wrong.  It either was too salty or too vinegary....  I couldn't even eat it and I'm all about 100% vegetarian/vegan.  There was no tofu, for the record.

10. What would she say is your most annoying habit? "Swearing."  

Why, yes.  I used to never curse.  Then I got in to nursing school.  Now, it's a habit we both must break, especially for when there are kiddos in the picture.

11. What is the last thing she does before she goes to bed? "Watches TV and reads blogs."  

Well, I don't necessarily read blogs, I just check my phone.  I do, however, fall asleep to the TV 95% of the time -- it's the only way I can fall asleep most nights.  I am rarely too exhausted to fall asleep without it.

12. If you could throw out one item of her clothing what would it be? "Boots - all of them."  

Yep, I knew he was going to say that.  He apparently isn't a big boot fan.  I don't care and collect them anyways. :)

13. What would you say is your favorite thing about her? "Infinite passion without bounds."  

Awh, now isn't that sweet..... I thought he would say it's that I run errands and cook..... oops.  -1 point for Amy.

14. What's her go-to drink at Starbucks? "Chai tea soy latte."  

And he likes it, too. ;)

15. What's her blog's name?  "The Charming Blog" 

The man is my biggest supporter, he probably knows more about my blog than I do... okay, not really.

I wasn't looking for a husband.

The two years leading up to my meeting my Prince Charming were very eventful: I ended my second serious long term relationship, "converted" or confirmed in the Catholic church after years of searching, I was trying to be a Coworker (a program where you can give a year or two to the Church and serve as a missionary), then I became very indecisive about where to go to college when becoming a Coworker didn't work out.  Then, after graduating from high school, I spent the summer busy as a photographer's assistant and thought that I wanted to study psychology.

When I started college, I was very much pro God's plan.  I didn't think that included boys and did a good job fighting off that idea for awhile.  I wanted to be a missionary.  Heck, I even talked about being an anonymous martyr of some kind so I could go be with my Creator.  Then, one by one, God started revealing changes in the plan.  Every change in course was very much inspired by the Holy Spirit.  This included transferring out of a great university to go to one I once refused to attend: a big city university.

Then, I went on a college retreat for Campus Catholics.  That semester was my husband and I's one opportunity to meet.  I wanted to go to LSU not where I went, I wanted to be a missionary that year I met him, and I was transferring out of that college the very next semester after I met Mr. Charming.  My husband's plans?  The university we attended at the time we met wasn't his first college that he attended, and he had plans to transfer to a different university and apparently was supposed to leave that semester but ended up not.  Then, his family, who immigrated here from Africa, were originally suppose to move to two other states than Georgia.  But Georgia is where they ended up moving last minute.  Then, I very last minute almost backed out of the retreat.  By last minute, I mean I was waiting on my ride to pick me up to go when I was thinking about canceling.  I got to the retreat late and on that very night was the first time I spoke to my husband.

I left that weekend knowing he wasn't just another guy.  And, it was that very thought that prompted my very first panic attack.  Man, I hate panic attacks, not only did I feel like I was dying, but the thought that my plan was changing and I could picture marrying this guy scared me.  I did not want to be in a relationship.  And for the first year or so, the poor guy still had to deal with me being Miss Independent and wanting to do things like become a missionary for a few months or so, or enlisting and becoming a Navy Nurse.

But the more I loosened up to what was going on (you know, stopped trying to control the plan and fight my boyfriend who only wanted what was best for me), the closer I came to realize that this was God's plan, that it was with my husband where God was present in my life.  That being one of two meant I would give up sacrifices, but that I would gain new amazing opportunities.  Soon, the "sacrifices" stopped being sacrifices.  It was like another life.  The new opportunities started to become more and more wonderful, because I knew my best friend would be by my side the whole way.  And what's better than that?

Where were you in your life when you met your significant other?

I wasn't looking for a husband.

The two years leading up to my meeting my Prince Charming were very eventful: I ended my second serious long term relationship, "converted" or confirmed in the Catholic church after years of searching, I was trying to be a Coworker (a program where you can give a year or two to the Church and serve as a missionary), then I became very indecisive about where to go to college when becoming a Coworker didn't work out.  Then, after graduating from high school, I spent the summer busy as a photographer's assistant and thought that I wanted to study psychology.

When I started college, I was very much pro God's plan.  I didn't think that included boys and did a good job fighting off that idea for awhile.  I wanted to be a missionary.  Heck, I even talked about being an anonymous martyr of some kind so I could go be with my Creator.  Then, one by one, God started revealing changes in the plan.  Every change in course was very much inspired by the Holy Spirit.  This included transferring out of a great university to go to one I once refused to attend: a big city university.

Then, I went on a college retreat for Campus Catholics.  That semester was my husband and I's one opportunity to meet.  I wanted to go to LSU not where I went, I wanted to be a missionary that year I met him, and I was transferring out of that college the very next semester after I met Mr. Charming.  My husband's plans?  The university we attended at the time we met wasn't his first college that he attended, and he had plans to transfer to a different university and apparently was supposed to leave that semester but ended up not.  Then, his family, who immigrated here from Africa, were originally suppose to move to two other states than Georgia.  But Georgia is where they ended up moving last minute.  Then, I very last minute almost backed out of the retreat.  By last minute, I mean I was waiting on my ride to pick me up to go when I was thinking about canceling.  I got to the retreat late and on that very night was the first time I spoke to my husband.

I left that weekend knowing he wasn't just another guy.  And, it was that very thought that prompted my very first panic attack.  Man, I hate panic attacks, not only did I feel like I was dying, but the thought that my plan was changing and I could picture marrying this guy scared me.  I did not want to be in a relationship.  And for the first year or so, the poor guy still had to deal with me being Miss Independent and wanting to do things like become a missionary for a few months or so, or enlisting and becoming a Navy Nurse.

But the more I loosened up to what was going on (you know, stopped trying to control the plan and fight my boyfriend who only wanted what was best for me), the closer I came to realize that this was God's plan, that it was with my husband where God was present in my life.  That being one of two meant I would give up sacrifices, but that I would gain new amazing opportunities.  Soon, the "sacrifices" stopped being sacrifices.  It was like another life.  The new opportunities started to become more and more wonderful, because I knew my best friend would be by my side the whole way.  And what's better than that?

Where were you in your life when you met your significant other?

Four Years

Four years ago today was the first time I laid my eyes on my husband. You know that whole love at first site thing? Well I don't know how I feel about that, but I do remember totally wanting to befriend this kid. Remember I was anti-boyfriends at this time? I just was loving the fact that he was a foreigner and that I knew his country of origin well!

Anyways, there we were, a bunch of college students together for a weekend for a Campus Catholics retreat in the north Georgia mountains. My friendly, outgoing self told him that we should be partners in a card game against two other people that I can't remember or picture their faces for the life of me. The subsequent conversations and memories from that weekend (both with and without him) were amazing.

A little over a month later we would go on our first date after much back and forth about whether we should pursue a relationship or not.  And now, this man is my husband. My very best friend, the absolute smartest person I know, and whom I semi-jokingly call the "most interesting man in the world."

God is good.

I love you, husband.

Always, M.

Four Years

Four years ago today was the first time I laid my eyes on my husband. You know that whole love at first site thing? Well I don't know how I feel about that, but I do remember totally wanting to befriend this kid. Remember I was anti-boyfriends at this time? I just was loving the fact that he was a foreigner and that I knew his country of origin well!

Anyways, there we were, a bunch of college students together for a weekend for a Campus Catholics retreat in the north Georgia mountains. My friendly, outgoing self told him that we should be partners in a card game against two other people that I can't remember or picture their faces for the life of me. The subsequent conversations and memories from that weekend (both with and without him) were amazing.

A little over a month later we would go on our first date after much back and forth about whether we should pursue a relationship or not.  And now, this man is my husband. My very best friend, the absolute smartest person I know, and whom I semi-jokingly call the "most interesting man in the world."

God is good.

I love you, husband.

Always, M.

Happily Ever After with Kristen

Well, HELLO friends of The Charming Blog! 

I'm Kristen and I blog over at Confessions of a Graphic Design Student. I am so excited to be here to talk to you about being a newlywed... a topic I have never actually blogged about. Can you believe I've been married almost 6 years and I've never done a single wedding themed post? I mean, what kind of blogger am I? 

Me as a bride....  and yes, I wore white flip flops!

When Amy asked me to talk about looking back on being a newlywed, sharing some tips, lessons, and discoveries in that first year... I had to chuckle.  I'm probably the last person to give tips... but I sure do have lessons!

The story unfolds at the ripe age of 18 when Josh proposed after 1.5 years of dating.

At the time, I was thinking, "OMG YESSSS!!!! :'D"

And now? I think, "What in the HELL were we thinking???"

Honestly, I have no idea. All we knew is that we loved each other and we wanted to be together forever. As confident as we were in our relationship, we didn't have the slightest clue what we were in for. After 8 months of planning our summer backyard wedding we officially agreed to be each other's ball and chain as the sun set on August 19th, 2006. 

Now we could finally start our lives full of blissful happiness!

Right? 

Erm... wrong.

Just one year in, we were already fighting so bad we would toss around the "Divorce" card. Sounds harsh, but here are the lessons I've learned as we decided to stick together through it all... 

BE PREPARED.

 They will see the REAL you. Not the you you were when you were dating... I'm talking about the no make up, messy hair, farting, burping, puking, nose running, bloated, bitchy, morning breath, food in your teeth, silly, crazy, psychotic YOU. Oh and you'll see that side of him too. If you still love each other after all of that gets exposed, you're good to move to the next level.

DON'T KILL EACH OTHER.

Some days you'll want to. Something will come up, like, "WTF why is my car getting repossessed? Didn't you pay the damn bill?!" If things get bad, you may feel inclined to start throwing punches. Punch the wall instead. Holes in the wall are a good sign you are passionate about each other.

SAY "I LOVE YOU"

Other days you want to spend it wrapped in each others arms whispering, "I love you," all night and wonder how you could ever be without the other. Say it often. 

LAUGH IT OUT

Even though you'll bicker over almost everything, make sure it ends with laughter and a kiss, and not one of you sleeping on the couch. 

BE GRATEFUL

Some days you'll take him for granted, as he will you. You'll do the dishes 5 times in a row and wonder when the heck he's going to stop playing Diablo and help clean a fork. When that happens, promptly think of all the times he's mowed the lawn while you sat inside painting your toenails. 

GROW TOGETHER

As you move forward together, you are each growing independently as your own person, trying to reach your own goals and dreams and learning more about yourself and who you are every day. Realize this... you will BOTH change... the important thing is to grow together. Accept each other for who they are and not who you want them to be.

LEARN TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY

Mistakes will be made, your patience will be tested, and at the very core will be your ability to apologize and forgive. It takes selflessness... something that I still haven't mastered. 

WATER YOUR OWN GRASS

Believe in yourselves and your marriage. Believe that, despite the divorce rate in this country, you will still be holding hands when you're old and gray. Don't let doubt sink in. Whenever you think the grass is greener somewhere else, just remember...

Image Source

I think St. Augustine explains love and marriage best:

Love is a temporary madness,it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

When I look back on that year, we were still in our volcano eruption phase. We were having fun playing house, and then reality hit. We could have walked away from each other multiple times, but we decided to stay. To persevere. To give our love a fighting chance to prove that it's real... more real than either of us could have imagined.

I don't know anyone with a perfect marriage or relationship. We're human- we're all a certain shade of crazy. I think when we get married we have these expectations of all that it's "supposed" to be. We try to create a picture perfect image through our blogs, photography, nicely decorated homes... whatever. But inside, we know no matter how much polish, it will never be perfect. 

I think the secret is letting go of those expectations and making up your own... being OK with the pictures crooked on the wall, or the toilet seat up, or burning the grilled cheese. Not freaking out over little things or judging each other for their faults. Accepting the weirdness, the abnormal, the silly. Accept it all. This is life! It's not going to be the fairytale Disney had you believing...

Embrace the imperfections and it will be even better. 

I promise.

Happily Ever After with Megan

Hey there friends! My name is Megan and I blog over at Mackey Madness. 

picture via Brandon O'Neal Photography

First of all, a big congrats to Amy and Duncan on their precious wedding! What a beautiful couple! I am so glad that I get to share about marriage today because I really just stinking love love. I wanted to share a few "tips" that I've learned during my 1 year and 8 months of marriage. Some may be a little common sense and some may be a little of a surprise, but either way, it's all a learning process. 

You have to communicate things. 

- I think most all of our arguments end up starting from a breakdown in communication. Honestly, I'm usually the one at fault. My husband is such a great communicator and he wants to speak his feelings and then get over it and be done with it. But I'm a typical crazy woman...and I want to pout and give the silent treatment and bring it up again two hours later. Needless to say, I've had to learn how to put the childish ways aside and just communicate openly and honestly from the start. It makes things much smoother. 

Not every single day will be "the best day of your marriage."

- There will be bad days in your marriage, whether it's from fighting or just being tired or other stress in life. And that's okay. Not every single day can be the best day. Marriage is not about each day being great...it's about being together in ALL the days...the good and the bad, the great and the not so great. 

Do not compare your marriage/relationship to others. 

- This one is KEY! I cannot even tell y'all how many times I hear women and men compare their marriages/spouses to others...and that's just a step towards feeling discontent and unhappy. No two marriages should be the same because we are all different. God knew exactly what each of us needed in marriage and He made a partner designed for each of us. He knows what He's doing. 

Sometimes marriage feels like a big slumber party and it's awesome. 

- There are days and nights where I just stop and think, "Really?! We are married! We get to be best friends and snuggle all night and it's the best thing ever!" Marriage is SO fun and makes life a lot better. 

Men and women are different...so different. Let the little things go. 

- There are just some things that men and women will never agree on, so let those things go and learn to laugh about them! My husband is the world's worst about rinsing his dishes off after eating, so that when I find one, it's caked with food and really hard to get off. But I honestly don't think it's worth fighting about and I just remind him to wash them off. There are probably things that I do that drive him crazy, too! Let the little things slide. It'll make all the difference. 

And above all else, just enjoy marriage and the blessing that is having a best friend and a support person right there to go through every step of life with. Thank the Lord for your spouse and appreciate them, even when they are doing things wrong. Give love willingly...never hold love back to prove a point. 

Thanks for having me, Amy! Wishing y'all a long and happy marriage!

Becoming a Mrs. - Melissa from Forever and A Day

Hi Charming friends!  My name is Melissa and I blog over at Forever and A Day.  I married the most amazing man I've ever known just over a year ago on June 11th 2011.  It was a beautiful, sunny summer day filled with laughter, happy tears, friends, family, and love.  It was a day that we spent the better part of 14 months planning and more money than I want to admit on.  It was lovely.

June 11th 2011

Here's the thing... We spent so much time thinking about the wedding that once it was over and we were back to our regular lives, it felt weird to not be planning something.  Crazy, right?  I had read about this post wedding blues thing a few times while I was engaged and actively started immersing myself in regular life again to combat it.  I started planning vacations, my sister's baby shower, reading all those books that I hadn't had time for, and learning Italian.

And going to Disneyland... a lot.

Newlywed life was a beautiful time for us, but not what I expected.  I'm not sure exactly how to articulate the lofty ideas I had about what life would be like after my husband kicked open our apartment door and carried me over the threshold, but I can say that I thought things would be more different.

What no one tells the bride, is that after the cake is cut, the dancing has been done, and you're home from your honeymoon, that life, for the most part, goes back to normal.  Your friends get in their cars and go home, you tuck all those special wedding momentos into boxes for safe keeping, you fawn over your wedding pictures, and then you realize that your cat just coughed up a hairball right on top of your new rug.

Bye bye glamour!

One of our trouble makers furbabies

The days of grand event planning and obsessing over decisions like tangerine napkins or purple napkins are over.  No more make up trials, no more trying on dresses that cost the same as a used car, no more waking up and checking your wedding day countdown every morning or posting obsessively on The Knot.

BUT...

Once you get past that... It's SO much better.

When Tim and I woke up, the morning after our wedding, as husband and wife, we both felt an intensified connection.  All of a sudden, everything was stronger.  We felt the need to fiercely protect each other, encourage each other, love each other.  It was official.  We are a team.  No more, will this work out?  Will we be doing this forever?  It was solidified and with that comes a new found appreciation for your partner, a deeper love, a stronger connection.

I still love hearing Tim call me his "wife."  Wife means so much more than friend, girlfriend, fiancee.  I couldn't wait to change my name and take his.  I love proclaiming to the world that we are together forever.  We are a family.  Officially.

That being said, it's not all fun and games.  Newlywed life is a crazy juxtaposition of high highs and low lows.  One moment, your husband is asking you to slow dance in your living room to "What The World Needs Now is Love" (true story) and the next you're fighting over Coke cans being left out or dishes not making it into the dishwasher.

Newlywed life is like a constant juggling act.  Even though we had been together for 3 1/2 years when we got married, we were like puzzle pieces, shuffling around on this board called marriage, trying to find our spots.  Defining your roles within the marriage can be a struggle, but eventually, day by day, it gets easier.  You slowly, so slowly in fact that you might not even realize it's happening, begin to settle into a rhythm, a pattern of every day life that works for you as a couple.  I do laundry.  Tim vaccuums.  Tim cooks.  I do the dishes.  Tim works really hard so we can afford trips.  I spend hours researching the best hotel deals and Yelp ing places to ensure we have a great time.

Recently, we went on an epic 2 1/2 week Southwest road trip

What you learn through newlywed life is that even though it's not white fluffy ball gowns and over the top grandeur every day, it's better.  It's surprise flowers at the end of a work day or fresh baked cookies after a doctor's appointment.  It's cuddling up with your best friend every night in your very own apartment with your hoard of adopted furbabies.  It's watching your husband hold your newborn nephew for the first time and realizing that he is going to be a great dad one day.  It's having someone to hold your hand while you wait for biopsy results and to tell you you're gorgeous on a day when you're obviously not.  It's sharing that tired look at the end of a long night of fighting and knowing that even though you're both upset, neither of you is going anywhere.  It is love and learning and forgiving.  It is magic.

Turns out, we're pretty happy in day to day life (and our marriage.)

All the classic fairy tales end with "And they lived happily ever after" but never define what that is.  Do you know what is so beautiful about that?  You and your husband get to choose what your happily ever after is.

What will yours be?  

I'd love for you to stop by and let me know!  

Becoming a Mrs - Elizabeth from The Buergler E's

A while back Amy asked to guest post about "Becoming a Mrs" and all the hidden secrets of newlywed life.  Having been married for almost three years I had so many great ideas, so I bounced a few off my sister who is newly engaged.  She said she would love to read "something real" about married life...something no one will really tell you...so here it is!  A little about me, Elizabeth, and how I learned how to fight with my husband, Eric.

Eric and I had a fairy tale engagement and wedding. We could see the hand of God in every detail. We met through a mutual friend, dated for about two years and then he proposed during my Holy Hour of Adoration at our church. Those months and years were flirty, romantic, and fun.

Our wedding was extravagant. An evening wedding at Saint Brigid (where Amy is getting married!). Long satin gowns, lush bouquets, and 250 guests. Eric and I exchanged our vows before 3 priests, 2 deacons, and 1 seminarian (sing with me…"and a partridge in a pear tree"). For better, for worse. For rich, for poor. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part.

The late-night reception was simple and elegant. A dinner, dancing and an ice cream sundae bar. Guests partied until wee hours of the morning when Eric and I realized we were getting delirious and much in need of sleep.

A limo driver whisked us away to our secret hotel room…. (I'll stop there). The next morning we enjoyed a hot brunch in the company of our out of town family and friends. It was the perfect way to spend time with them because the wedding day was such a blur, as those things usually are. That afternoon we jetted off to California for a week of honeymooning.

That week was a whirlwind, and even the next month was too. Unwrapping gifts, moving my stuff to his our place, and sharing bottles of wine we brought back from California. We were living the married dream. But once the last of the boxes were unpacked, and the thank you notes mailed off, reality set in. We quickly learned that marriage wasn't just about champagne flutes and china patterns, but dirty dishes and piles of laundry. Marriage requires a LOT of work, and not just the physical housework kind. But the kind where we are always sharing the same small, private space . The kind where we need to consult each other on every purchase to meet our financial goals. The kind that requires phone calls to let the other one know where they are…and when they're coming home. The kind that requires learning how to fight.I will never forget our first fight. I was home and Eric was meeting a few guys from work for a couple of drinks. No big deal, this happened a lot during our dating and engaged life. But I was waiting for him to get home…maybe a little too eagerly... and he was enjoying his time out with the guys ... maybe a little too much. A long afternoon of unanswered phone calls later, Eric finally arrived home. I laid into him. Screaming and throwing a fit about how and why he didn't answer the phone. Eric threw it right back in my face. And suddenly, every issue we had swept under the rug to keep the peace for the last eight months or so burst to the surface. We had never encountered a fight of this magnitude. I stormed out, slamming the door behind me. I jumped in my car and drove around town trying to cool off for an hour. Since we had never had a fight like this before, this seemed like the reasonable thing to do…just get out of each other's face/space. After I cooled off, I called him to see if I could bring home a peace offering of pizza and ice cream, but Eric did not answer. So, instead, I just drove home. I put my key in the door to unlock it, but Eric had locked the security deadbolt, thus locking me out of OUR apartment. I thought about going to my parents house, but if I did that, would that really solve anything? How would that look to my parents? When would I go home? ... Would I go home? After pounding on the door and yelling back and forth through it, he finally let me in, only to finish the fight, LOUD and PROUD. It was ugly, red faces and tears streaming, but we got through it several hours later. We learned a lot that day. We learned that we needed boundaries with time together and apart, boundaries with cell phones, and better rules for fair fighting.

During our Engaged Encounter Retreat, one of the 7 sessions was dedicated just to fighting. Which we thought was odd at the time, but after this big blow out fight, we realized just how incredibly valuable this lesson was. We reviewed their ten rules for fair fighting (no name calling, don't bring up old fights, etc), and added an eleventh - no leaving the house. It made Eric feel abandoned, to which I replied that his lack of answering his cell phone made me feel the same way. That fight taught us invaluable lessons we still use today. We discussed how our parents fought with each other, how we fought with each of our parents, and how we wanted to fight with each other going forward. Sure we had fights while we were dating and engaged, but where to go to dinner and which postage stamp we wanted on the invitations were hardly REAL fights. We needed this REAL fight to learn how to fight, to learn what is worth fighting over, and how to communicate along the way so we could prevent future blow up fights! Fighting is inevitable, especially in new and/or stressful situations, but it doesn't need to get ugly. As we near three years of marriage, I am so thankful for that day. It opened up so many doors and windows into each other's heart and soul and has only strengthened our relationship. Sure it sucked at that moment, but in hindsight, it was worth it. Now we know our rules - no name calling, yelling doesn't make you a winner, one person can't leave the house unless you both agree, don't bring up past fights, and take a deep breath and start over. Ever since that first explosion we've been improving and have been able to prevent a lot of fights. I don't mean that now we sweep it under the rug to keep the peace (that is also a rule! None of that!), but rather we sometimes let it slide in the heat of the moment, but talk about it calmly a few hours or few days later. One of us will bring it up gently and lovingly; asking how, as a team, we can prevent the situation/reaction/decision etc from happing again. I try to use this formula that I learned in a communications session of a leadership conference, "I feel _____ when you _____ because _____" It enables me to get my emotions out on the table without harshly criticizing Eric. And when I use this formula, I often realize it's not necessarily what Eric's doing that bothers me as much as my reaction to it is out of perspective. At the end of a fight or discussion, we find it helpful for both of us to have an action item - something we both need to work on to prevent that situation from coming up again. And let's be real, most couples have the same fight over and over again. Having action items, if you actually do them, helps each subsequent fight become less intense and, hopefully, avoid future situations completely. Marriage is a work in progress. Don't give up! Put your pride aside for the greater good! Remember why you fell in love! And kiss and make up :)

Falling in love with Casey Wiegand

Hi! My name is Casey Wiegand, I am a freelance artist, wife and mama. I love painting and sharing our life through my blog...where you can expect pieces of my perspective on life, faith, kids, marriage, with touches of art, creative inspiration, projects and things I love along the way. I will begin at my highschool graduation (where it all began....sort of).Chris is 4 years older than me so he was at my highschool graduation with his current girlfriend at the time (they were watching her little sis graduate). I am not sure how this came about but he asked who I was. smiley face. She told him... that is Casey Jones and she'll be at Baylor next year. I graduate, make it to Baylor and Chris can name countless times that we were at the same places... always remembering who I was from that initial sighting. My sophomore year he sat behind me at a concert and tried to get the courage to talk to me the whole time and never said a word. Fast forward time....(he is older) he graduates, moves back to Dallas. I still don't know he exists and we have still never officially met.*Another funny sidenote. Some of Chris' friends from college live right near my parent's house so he would always drive past hoping to see me. :)I graduate college in August. One night Chris was at a highschool football game with a bunch of guys and my little brother, Travis, walks up to the group. Chris asks who that is..."Casey Jones' little brother" (so I am back on his mind)...then later that evening we both randomly wind up at a Kanakuk reunion. He waited at the bottom of the elevators to talk to me and I took the stairs!Finally he decided just to get my number and call me. What was supposed to be a phonecall for a "sort-of" blind date turned into hours of conversation. I didn't even know what he looked like at the time. I remember when I went to answer the door, my heart literally stopped....I could not believe someone so handsome and so sweet was standing there. I tend to be a bit of a homebody. And I remember my brother saying to me one day - "youre never going to meet anyone staying home all the time"... and my response was, God knows me, He knows how I tick... if He must, He will bring him to me.And He did!He took me out on a date on October 21. I remember thinking I was in serious trouble because there was such an instant connection. We are both artists, see the world very uniquely, have interesting personalities with very specific needs. Three months later he told me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. We went to Hawaii after 5 months of dating and he proposed to me on our one year anniversary. We had an 8 month engagement, married on June 16... I was 23 years old. We started our business/studio when I was 24.We had Aiden when I was 25, Ainsleigh at 27 and a miscarriage with Addison at age 28. And here we are today.There is obviously a lot that has happened in the middle. We have had some messy patches, hard patches, ups & downs. I have let him down a zillion times and he has done the same.But at the end of the day... Christopher has always said "There was only girl I could spend my life with...and that's you." And I believe it. Through better or worse. He has made all my dreams come true. He has changed my life. He has loved me well. He has made me a better me. Through day in and day out. He chose me. And I am thankful.Our story :).