30 May 2013

Marriage... so far.

I love my marriage and I love my husband.  But sometimes it takes real work to like him.

We're both Catholic, right?  But hey, that doesn't mean the "D" word hasn't unfortunately come up in a select few incredibly heated arguments.

I am not here to give advice, because hey, I've only been married just shy of a year.  I have been with my husband for 4.5 years... but that still doesn't really give me the position to solicit advice.

If you want some, I can give you the best advice I've ever received:

Love is a choice,
not a feeling.

You see, my husband and I both have personalities that clash: we're both stubborn and we're both leaders.  So, we often have a power struggle.  As the woman, I know I need to let him be the man, but I've been so great at being independent, it's definitely hard "giving" that up.  But the funny thing is, we can talk about grown up adult issues without any problems, like we are a team.  I guess it's just an adjustment.  And you know what?  We're learning.  Things aren't perfect, but at the end of the day he is my very best friend.  He is a major support system beyond what I ever could have imagined.  Things are getting better with us as we're learning the ebbs and flows of just living with another human being.  Will we not fight?  No.  We are in the baby stages of our marriage and we have a lot of good and bad ahead of us.  Will we stand the test of time?  Only God knows.  But it's not over until the fat lady sings.

Why am I airing a little dirty laundry?  Because a blogger friend of mine is going through a divorce and she inspired me to share the real truth about marriage.  She's in the process of starting a new blog and starting over.  If you'd love to help out by donating some ad space, I'd love to surprise her with a little welcome back to the blog world package!  Email me at amy@thecharmingblog.com !


  1. Hi Amy! I am so glad you sheared this. Trust me, me and my husband are one month away from 3 years, and we still are adjusting to marriage. We met 8 years ago this July and we are just like you and D, stubborn and ready to bring any reason to the table, until we realize we made vows to GOD that no matter what, we committed and are ready to take on anything that comes along... Just remember you were meant for him and he was meant for you Everything else, does not matter.

  2. I know what you mean. My marriage is around 6 months old, and on top of that, we just had a baby 4 months ago. So it's tough, but I do believe that if it's important to us, we'll find a way to make it work, and we'll find that balance. We just have to work on it - we have to make the effort. It's not magic. It's marriage. I wish you the best and more strength in yours as well. :)

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  4. I get what you are saying with this post. My husband and I are devote Christians, but we have thrown the D word around when things get heated. Just like you we are both leaders and type-A personalities, but we are working through it because we feel like it's worth it. I've been married for 2 years now (just had my anniversary on weds!) and I feel EXACTLY like you do. Thanks for making me see that I'm not alone!

  5. You beat me to this post! I immediately started a draft post, similar to this one, after reading "that post" by our friend. Marriage isn't perfect...the movies lie...Andrew and I have had our fair share of struggles, and are working through it. So glad that there are others out there who feel the same way we do!

  6. I'm getting married in one month, so it's enlightening to read about others' perspectives on marriage.

    I just have one issue with what you wrote: "As the woman, I know I need to let him be the man..." There is absolutely no reason for the husband to be the leader in a marriage, and it demeans us women to think that way. You are two people in an equal partnership, and it's perfectly possible to both have strong personalities and still learn to compromise! Good luck!

  7. Beautiful post and advice. I totally agree, remembering that love is a choice and not something I necessarily FEEL 100% of the time has been super helpful in my marriage and even with other relationships!

  8. Girl yes, I have posted this before! Our first divorce discussion came up only 6 months into our marriage and has come up several times since. But I say all the time MARRIAGE IS A CHOICE!

  9. Marriage is definitely hard work. Any relationship is though. My husband and I work extremely hard now that we have a 1 yr old. It's so much harder since there is very little "us" time.


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xo, amy