22 June 2012

Becoming a Mrs. - Melissa from Forever and A Day


Hi Charming friends!  My name is Melissa and I blog over at Forever and A Day.  I married the most amazing man I've ever known just over a year ago on June 11th 2011.  It was a beautiful, sunny summer day filled with laughter, happy tears, friends, family, and love.  It was a day that we spent the better part of 14 months planning and more money than I want to admit on.  It was lovely.
June 11th 2011
Here's the thing... We spent so much time thinking about the wedding that once it was over and we were back to our regular lives, it felt weird to not be planning something.  Crazy, right?  I had read about this post wedding blues thing a few times while I was engaged and actively started immersing myself in regular life again to combat it.  I started planning vacations, my sister's baby shower, reading all those books that I hadn't had time for, and learning Italian.
And going to Disneyland... a lot.  
Newlywed life was a beautiful time for us, but not what I expected.  I'm not sure exactly how to articulate the lofty ideas I had about what life would be like after my husband kicked open our apartment door and carried me over the threshold, but I can say that I thought things would be more different.

What no one tells the bride, is that after the cake is cut, the dancing has been done, and you're home from your honeymoon, that life, for the most part, goes back to normal.  Your friends get in their cars and go home, you tuck all those special wedding momentos into boxes for safe keeping, you fawn over your wedding pictures, and then you realize that your cat just coughed up a hairball right on top of your new rug.

Bye bye glamour!
One of our trouble makers furbabies
The days of grand event planning and obsessing over decisions like tangerine napkins or purple napkins are over.  No more make up trials, no more trying on dresses that cost the same as a used car, no more waking up and checking your wedding day countdown every morning or posting obsessively on The Knot.

BUT...

Once you get past that... It's SO much better.

When Tim and I woke up, the morning after our wedding, as husband and wife, we both felt an intensified connection.  All of a sudden, everything was stronger.  We felt the need to fiercely protect each other, encourage each other, love each other.  It was official.  We are a team.  No more, will this work out?  Will we be doing this forever?  It was solidified and with that comes a new found appreciation for your partner, a deeper love, a stronger connection.

I still love hearing Tim call me his "wife."  Wife means so much more than friend, girlfriend, fiancee.  I couldn't wait to change my name and take his.  I love proclaiming to the world that we are together forever.  We are a family.  Officially.

That being said, it's not all fun and games.  Newlywed life is a crazy juxtaposition of high highs and low lows.  One moment, your husband is asking you to slow dance in your living room to "What The World Needs Now is Love" (true story) and the next you're fighting over Coke cans being left out or dishes not making it into the dishwasher.

Newlywed life is like a constant juggling act.  Even though we had been together for 3 1/2 years when we got married, we were like puzzle pieces, shuffling around on this board called marriage, trying to find our spots.  Defining your roles within the marriage can be a struggle, but eventually, day by day, it gets easier.  You slowly, so slowly in fact that you might not even realize it's happening, begin to settle into a rhythm, a pattern of every day life that works for you as a couple.  I do laundry.  Tim vaccuums.  Tim cooks.  I do the dishes.  Tim works really hard so we can afford trips.  I spend hours researching the best hotel deals and Yelp ing places to ensure we have a great time.
Recently, we went on an epic 2 1/2 week Southwest road trip
What you learn through newlywed life is that even though it's not white fluffy ball gowns and over the top grandeur every day, it's better.  It's surprise flowers at the end of a work day or fresh baked cookies after a doctor's appointment.  It's cuddling up with your best friend every night in your very own apartment with your hoard of adopted furbabies.  It's watching your husband hold your newborn nephew for the first time and realizing that he is going to be a great dad one day.  It's having someone to hold your hand while you wait for biopsy results and to tell you you're gorgeous on a day when you're obviously not.  It's sharing that tired look at the end of a long night of fighting and knowing that even though you're both upset, neither of you is going anywhere.  It is love and learning and forgiving.  It is magic.
Turns out, we're pretty happy in day to day life (and our marriage.)  
All the classic fairy tales end with "And they lived happily ever after" but never define what that is.  Do you know what is so beautiful about that?  You and your husband get to choose what your happily ever after is.  

What will yours be?  
I'd love for you to stop by and let me know!  

3 comments:

  1. This is such a wonderfully written post, Melissa! So true that life really just goes back to normal after the wedding. For me, married life doesn't really feel any different than before since we were already living together. And all of the energy that I spent on wedding planning, I now pour into blogging :)

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart

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  2. i love this. its good to read something real for once about marriage! great post!!

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  3. What a BEAUTIFUL description of marriage... gosh, I got chills! Thank you for sharing your story!

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xo, amy